38. 3:30 a.m. - 4:00 a.m.

If you hadn't seen him in a year and you asked him what he was up to, he'd say, "Nothing. Getting old while the paint dries."º

They sicken of calm that know the stormº and P--- knows the storm well. He says, "Life's not good enough without joy," [mp3]º. So he's back and forth on it. Misery is among the most democratic of all life experiences.º

But we were close, growing up, before he'd found his out. Everyone was critical of his exit, but I knew better. I knew there were reasons to run. If I wasn't afraid of needles, I might have joined him. We could have cruised the interstates, raising hell--robbing and gutting to pay for our junk. I'd end up dead or in prison and there'd be a movie of the week about us.

They'd get some pretty boy like Matthew Settle or Billy Crudup to play Dobbs. They'd put false dialogue in his mouth--"The FBI said she was the most dangerous woman in America, but to me she was just another lay."--and call it narrative truth.

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